My Attempt At College

For some reason my Mother thought it important to send me far away from home. I guess I should question that, but she had to convince my Dad that I would do just fine. I went to Colorado College in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Now that is enough Colorado's, isn't it! I had to take remedial courses in the summer before going away in Math. I passed my SATs with the help. I had no idea what I wanted to do but did take Geology because I really like rocks. But at the time my advisor told me that most likely I would like being outside, and they just didn't send females into the field back then. So I change to Art. I should have taken just basics and be happy with that. (I hear dogs howling in the background as I write!) (Not werewolves!)

I arrived at college and remember vaguely being introduced to the school through orientation. Then the beer bust that I went to out in the woods. How I got there I will never know, and I had really never done beer before. But I survived that, and then ended up dating a Beta guy who was very persistent. My Mom had to call the Dean of Women to check up on me and find out if I was actually going to school. I did make some really cool friends who I hung out with on Sunday's, two guys and a couple of girls, and we went to a deli a few blocks away for sandwiches, mine usually liverwurst with mayonnaise, lettuce and wheat bread. Loved it! We would go to the Shove Chapel to hear one of the guys practice on the organ. We would lie on the choir benches below the pipes and bliss out! This I was happy with and not really with the persistent Beta guy. to be continued!

Aging Continued

I could weep and become ever more depressed as I feel my body not being able to adjust to my old active lifestyle. But it is just adjustment. I can still ride my bike, walk a bit, ski some, go up and down stairs, and keep my mind active with books, cross word puzzles, laughter, and research.I test myself at times and try to remember what I had eaten, and I keep a journal. I remove weeds but I have to stoop to do that as a knee doesn't want me to kneel quite yet. i found a Towhee nest the other day at the base of my poppies. There was one last year. The fledglings are almost ready to fly by the time we get back, thank goodness, as the cat likes stalking little squeaky things.

To age is to make it to the top of the life hill and start descending down the other side. It is to be told when you go in for a physical check up, 'oh you don't have to do that test anymore'. I get it, it won't matter and we won't fix it! I still monitor all those things in my mind as I don't want to go out debilitated and in pain! So what would I do? Deal with it. Since we have lived where we live, at least three people have taken the life force into their own hands and ended it. One swam out into the Bay until she could no longer swim and then washed up on shore. Another rowed out into the Bay and disappeared. And another shot herself in her car near the same Bay. I think my Dad just starved himself. He wanted one of us to bring him a gun and we wouldn't. So he stopped eating. He wanted to go but his life force wasn't ready so he had to take his own measures. In those last months we connected. I heard a lot of things he wanted to remember. Even though I was a woman, he could talk to me. He had an old fashioned opinion that women should be in the home, and that was all they were good for, homemaking! But maybe he found out finally that that wasn't so! So could I take my life force and remove it? I don't know.

One wants to age with some sort of dignity. If my mind goes, I won't know if I am dignified or not, and won't care. Others will have to deal with me and that is a hard thought. But as long as I can get up in the AM, shower, and dress and feed myself I will be happy. All the other things will fall into place.

So it is the body failing to do its job that determines your aging pattern. Changes occur. But my dream is that my husband and I can live in our house, take care of each other, and when we can't it will end. No burden to our kids, just happy memories. Going to have to work on this scenario and make sure it happens. A dog is softly breathing behind my chair. I looked and she has a paw over her muzzle. Pretty cute. I am so easy!

The Dog's Life

Aging will be continued! This morning into the fog and fine mist, the dog and I went into the back yard. I like to give the plants some water as the fog helps soak it down into the soil. The dog leaps out of the door enthusiastically unless I open, first the main door and then the screen, very slowly. If I open the door and screen briskly she thinks she must challenge something vile! The back corner of the yard which has wild roses, and a white lilac we brought from our other home 24 years ago, and thimble berry plants and snowberry that came with the lilac. It is home to some kind of troll in the dogs mind. She will go up there smartly if I go, but if not, she has to insinuate herself punctuated with barks and look backs until she can get up into the vicinity of the corner. I think perhaps she has seen a raccoon in my neighbors yard ghosting under their porch and gets bold with that sighting, but the troll has her flummoxed.

We are truly lucky to have a very happy dog. She likes to be with us, and things make her bounce and jump and chase. Of course, we provide lots to be happy about. There is regular food, warm beds, toys to chew on, bones in appropriate places, and sticks in the yard. And she has a sister cat who likes to taunt her into chasing games in the house or out. They both seem to adjust to our winter place and our summer place and it is all just fine. The cat stays inside in the winter home, and she goes outside in the summer home. And it seems to be no big thing getting used to her routines. She checks in with a meow when she comes back in from outside in summer, and she checks in with us at mealtimes in the winter and finds places to sleep, and games to play while awake.

Our dog is a large dog, but fearful of the unknown. A branch rustling can startle her, but if she sees what did the rustle, she stands right up to that. She is cautious with people but likes every dog she meets. If a dog snaps at her, she just steps away and goes on about her business. And then there is the corner of our yard! She is totally fixated on our routines and us as her people and that can be a problem as anything else upsets her. Her Mother was fearful of us as well and we should have known, but we had fallen in love and that was that.

Routine with animals is important. As long as those remain fairly constant, life is good. Having had dogs and cats all my life I find I cannot tolerate what I see as abuse of animals of any kind. They deserve just as much attention and kindness as humans. Oh, thats right, humans abuse themselves and are vicious and cruel forgetting compassion and respect. Humans perhaps have really doomed this planet to it demise. But perhaps the speechless animals can make it right again. Oh Oh, I have mounted the soapbox. And where did that term come from. Soapbox!

If you live with an animal most of your life, and can feel relaxed about their presence, they can feel your every mood. Building trust with an animal calls for attention, softness, kindness, and love. When our dog first was with us as a puppy she would rouse up and give a guttural sound in being surprised if disturbed. As time went on, this changed and we could bump her, or move a limb and she did not respond. We had built trust. Animals have to find out if they can trust you, and then act accordingly. Wouldn't it be nice if humans could do this without having to be armed? It appears it just takes time. Trust and you will feel good. Maybe even happy like our dog. I could get on the soapbox about arms, but I won't. NRA will be proved wrong one of these days. They will start shooting each other because none of us without arms will be left! That ought to get me in trouble. Pacifist! One shot deserves another, and on and on! Pacifist!